Awakening, caused by the blare of the alarm clock mingling with the dream of a roaring crowd requesting my demise.  Off to the guillotine I went, but didn't get the chance to die before the beginning of the day came.  I felt the death so near, and even now, it mingles with my thoughts.

-

I must offer a congratulatory handshake for all those who can do my job for me.  You can do it with such ease, it's a mystery to me.  Where did you learn?  Can you teach me?

-

The day began with a crippling stare.  I stood there, next to Shannon in her group of odd beings, waiting for my turn to speak.  My turn never came, but it was of no matter; words never found my tongue.

It happened again after the first exam.  There I was with Jade on the third floor.  Words skipped around me in a dizzying circle, taunting me in a high-pitched siren calling my name.  A woman scorned I was.  A woman redempted I was not.

-

Girls.  Their scent plagues me.  Felicia floats on the surface of my mind.  I wonder how she is these days.  I wonder if she remembers me, and the things we did.  I wonder if she's in a similar predicament as I, confused.  Terribly confused.  Who are you, Felicia?  Will I ever tell anybody?  I have come to terms with who I remember us to be, and who I still remain.  It is not our fault; we didn't know.  I am sorry.  How did it happen?  I don't think I want to remember.

-

Dear Past,

Go away.  I never want to speak to you again.  Plague me no longer.  Teach me what I never learned.  Bring me peace, solace.  Bring me flowers.  Bring me Love.  You will not be disappointed.

--Holly

-

I'm bleeding.  Where is the wound?  Help me change me, help me desert me

-----

Today:  a series of events I wish not to recall.  Death:  I wanted it.  Relief:  it never came.

I hope for Solace to be on its way.